AT and George Drance

(or the the Gift of the Magis...lol jk)

The work we did with George this past week was very informing. As an actor who allows the head to do all the work in performance I was finally beginning to feel what it would be if the impulse actually came up through my spine/entire body. That being said, it’s horrifying and scary because it requires completely letting go and a giving over to the energy in the space. What I found most fascinating was the idea that I can use the energy around me to fuel me- I don’t need to manufacture it to make something happen. Allowing gravity to lead me to momentum, living in the moments of suspension, and then trusting to let it go when it has passed left me with a sense of ease and freedom I so rarely feel in my work. And again it is something I don’t have to muscle but rather just recognize its availability for my use at all times. I felt this the most when we were in the text circle. The idea of receiving text from someone and allowing it to move me to speak is literally what the basis of acting is, and yet it is very, very difficult for me. I couldn’t really give myself over (which was frustrating) but I saw it happening in other people and felt the transfer of energy from one person to the next.

What I notice most about my body after constructive rest is that I am open. I feel as though my skin is a few inches from my muscles, my muscles are a few inches from my bones, and my bones are a few inches from each other. I’ve recognized that this feeling of primary control makes me really uncomfortable and puts me in a bad mood- I’m guessing because it is a state of pure vulnerability and openness. But how lovely it will be when I can live on stage in that state and actually allow the Magis work to happen; for the waves to enter and affect me. With my body available to receiving I think I will actually be able to fall into gravity, trust the momentum, and live in the suspension.  Sherrington said “every thought manifests as bodily reality”. Without the opening up of my body in AT I can’t say I ever allowed that to actually happen for me on stage. Exploring this in scene classes has literally blown my mind and thrown me off balance. I drop lines, I forget what I’m doing…but I’m learning to trust that it is becoming more organic and real, as opposed to manufactured and put on. Connecting all we are learning in AT, as well as voice, to our scene classes has begun to feel like I’m going through a second puberty. It’s so hard but it is helpful to constantly have this body awareness on my mind since it IS the work we do on stage. The question of “what am I doing to cause the problem?” has become vague, but I wonder if “the more I learn the less I know” idea is coming into play. The more I focus on inhibiting falling back onto my spine when I feel something uncomfortable, i.e. real, the more I feel grounded in AT, but the less I'm in control and therefore the less I FEEL I know.